It’s no secret that writing has been a struggle. For the past two or three years, everyone has been going through changes and adjusting to new norms. For me, it hasn’t been all across the board. My writing process has changed in such a way that I’ve basically had to reinvent it.
As one of those authors who needs to be able to discuss their ideas out loud to spark new ones, who benefit from encouragement, and who needs a good shake now and then, I’m honestly struggling right now. Every person that I’ve counted on to do those things for me has had to back out due to life changes or some other reason. Although I know it’s not about me, mentally, I’ve taken that to mean being all that may be a bit of a burden. Not wanting to burden anyone, I stopped asking and tried to reunite with my old friends—pen and paper. I’d love to say we’ve gotten closer in the past few months and are falling in love again but…
The pen and paper don’t exactly fill the void. I set goals. I sat down and tried to write countless times. I even created writing schedules that would allow my brain to rest on one project while focusing on another. Still, I find myself in the same place with the twins self-doubt and second-guessing there to comfort me. For a while, I allowed myself to think my case of imposter syndrome wasn’t real because only an imposter needs people to encourage and inspire them. However, I found out I wasn’t alone. By watching author vlogs on YouTube and reading articles about improving your writing, I discovered that Alpha readers really are utilized by some of the greatest, and having them is a blessing. However, not having them doesn’t stop the show. The time I took off from writing, I was miserable. I felt like I had lost something. So I know for sure that Daddy’s Debt turns out to be the last book I’’ ever publish, I’m going to keep writing.
It’s that fact that I’ve been trying to turn into a mindset. Writing simply because it gives me peace and purpose before all else. Basically, I’m trying to get to the level of “fuck it” where I can create freely and worry about nothing as long as it’s the story I want to tell. I’m hoping to accomplish that with this open journal and many other things.
So for those of you who have committed to riding with me, I thank you with every bit of my heart. As you’ll see in upcoming posts, I am just as committed to bringing you books that’ll take you on adventures, make you smile, cry, swoon, and then curse me out.
Until then, remember you are appreciated.